tests/test_lazy_secrets_dispatch.py::TestUpdatePathE2E ran the real
`hermes update --check` bare, so the child's `git fetch origin main`
hit github.com on every CI run. During the 2026-08-17 GitHub incident
the fetch stalled past the 30s subprocess timeout and both update tests
went red on main for hours with zero code change (slices seen on runs
32003200300 and 32011520139).
These tests assert the lazy-crypto / no-self-lock dispatch invariants,
not update connectivity. Rewrite all git remote URLs in the child to an
unreachable file:// path via GIT_CONFIG_* env overrides: the update path
still exercises its full parser/dispatch/fetch code, but the fetch now
fails in milliseconds, deterministically, offline. Exit code 1 was
already accepted by the assertions.
Before/after under a blackhole proxy simulating the outage:
OLD: TimeoutExpired after 20s (reproduces the CI failure)
NEW: completes in 0.2s, exit=1
a9c4e414d7